top of page

Say it twice and shut up.

Writer's picture: Jessica HarrisJessica Harris

I think it's been programmed into men's heads that women nag. Women are the weight that holds them down from all that single fun that they could be and would be having if we weren't there. Realistically we know this isn't true, but let's be honest, a lot of men of a certain age are still holding on to the glory of their hay day when they were in their best physical shape and living on the hope of the future that they could have. They have yet to realize that that ship has sailed, and the woman, or anchor that is holding them down is trying to help them see all the beauty of the things on shore. We think if we remind him to take his medicine, exercise, eat healthy, etc. that they will see the love that we have for them in wanting them to live a long healthy life with us. The reality is that a lot of men wish that women would just shut up. They don't see all the talking that we do as love. They see it as annoying.


A guy told me once that he cheated on me because he wanted certain.....favors. Because I wasn't willing to satisfy that part of his sexual appetite, he chose to get fast food somewhere else. The food he had at home was good. It was great, but he had told me twice what he wanted and after that he simply went and got it himself. He was greedy and selfish. One thing about some men is that they will always put their needs first. However, one thing that I learned is that men won't simply ask or beg a woman to meet their needs. They will say it twice and shut up, and their shut up doesn't mean that they have given up but rather have chosen another path to get what they want. Believe it or not this lesson has helped me a lot in dealing with men.


I do not beg anyone anymore to do anything for me. I ask twice then make things happen. Men respond to actions not words. If you want a man's attention show him what you will do if he doesn't give it to you. Now do not get me wrong, I am in no way suggesting infidelity. I think that is a deplorable act meant for only the weakest minds. Period. If a man cheats on you and divides his attention, you do not write that man a paragraph about how he hurt you. Do not beg him to apologize or grovel to stay with you. No number of rules will ever make him faithful. You LEAVE and never look back! Leaving teaches him that you respect yourself. He had his chance, and he messed up! Now be prepared because once you leave him that man WILL be back. They will always try to spin the block just to see if you really mean what you say. They always want to keep a foot in the door. They will apologize and make grand promises, and they may even respect your boundaries and play the "good guy". DO NOT FALL FOR IT! If that man isn't laying on someone's couch spilling their deep dark secrets about their traumas and insecurities, they are not changed. Cheating is a symptom of a bigger problem and it's not you.


Now I would like to tell you that is what I did all those years ago, but it isn't. Why do you think you were able to get tickets to this little TED talk of mine. These are my life lessons, so you don't have to live them, but I won't get into the nitty gritty of what happened today. I will skip to the good part. The real lesson of how to get what you want from a man without nagging. For one, men love their ego stroked, in more ways than one and you have to stroke them both. Now this is a pg blog so you will have to read lash lounge letters for the more risqué' details, but your man wants to feel like he is your big, strong protector man and to do that you have to build him up. He needs to feel like he is on top so to speak and in control.


Step one: make him feel like "The man"

Give him a compliment when he is doing something that he likes to do. It doesn't matter what it is. Let's say it's a video game. Sit down and watch him play intently. If he is killing zombies cheer him on in a convincing way and when he wins compliment how well, he played. "That was so exciting! You are such a good player. I need to watch you more." If he invites you to play, then you "play" I'm nervous. I don't think I can play like you. You will have to show me how to do it. Men LOVE to teach you things. Again, he is in control, and you have boosted him up. You need him to put you on. He will love this. You can apply this principle to anything that you know your man genuinely loves to do.


Step two: You've got the touch

Touch him when you ask him to do something and make sure your hands are warm and soft. If you need him to do an act of labor for you, touch him gently as you ask. Touch is intimate and makes people feel more connected to you. It's harder to let down someone you are connected to. If your hands are warm and soft you come across as dainty, feminine and someone who is warm hearted and should be cared for. Subconsciously you will make him want to do something hard for you because you....are....soft.


Step three: Say it twice then shut up

If you have asked and you haven't gotten your desired response this is what you do. You GENTLY remind him. "Hey babe, I know you are busy, but do you think you will have time or can do (insert task) today or whenever your time frame is. If you don't have time I understand. Now if he says he will, and it's STILL not done. DO NOT FRET and do not remind anymore. We what? We say it twice and shut up. Men do not respond to nagging and asking anyone more than twice to do something is begging and we do not beg. You simply find another man to do it.


If it is a handy man task you schedule a handy man. The key to this is to make sure he knows another man took care of it so make sure you get the name. If he asks, you tell him Jim came over and took care of it. No man wants another man doing things for his lady. If he doesn't ask you casually mention it. "Hey baby don't worry about that leaking faucet Jim took care of it yesterday." Who is Jim he will ask. Oh, he is the handyman I called. He was so nice. He taught me a lot while he was fixing it so if it happens again, I will know what to do. Your MAN wants to be your man. He doesn't want his compliments going to some other man. Guarantee the next time you need something done he will do it a lot quicker. When he does you will thank him. Thank you for doing that, that really took a lot off my plate today and I know you were busy. Thank you for making time for me. When they do good you reward them and when they do not you find another man. You need to program his brain to realize that you won't waste time begging him for anything. If he won't meet your needs, you will find someone who will. You are an appreciative woman who depends on her man to come through. This doesn't just apply to acts of service though. You can also use this to get gifts. Life is all about perception


True story: my man didn't really take initiative to plan dates. I had a male friend who asked me to go to a concert with him. I got all dressed up and we went out and had a great time. After the concert I came home to my man, but I was smiling and told him how good it was and how much I enjoyed the show, all my favorite parts etc. Now it was no secret that I went with my guy friend, and he knew it was platonic. However, the very idea that I had a great time with another man was enough to put a fire under him and I kid you not he found a concert for one of my favorite artists and surprised me with tickets. At the time I didn't fully understand it but knowing what I now know about men has prompted me to use this to my advantage.


Say you want your man to give you flowers but you don't want to ask him for them. Let's be honest what woman wants her man to bring her flowers because she asked? You want him to WANT to give you flowers. Here is what I would do, and this might be a gray area when it comes to honesty. I would buy the flowers. I would take the tag off and make sure I had a vase at home. When I got home, I would arrange them like they came from a florist. If he asks me about them, I will say that I went to the store and a man told me that a beautiful lady deserved a beautiful surprise. Aren't they beautiful? Now if you feel like this is lying that's because it is. Don't worry I can ease your conscience. Just write those words on a piece of paper, hand it to some man and ask him to read it for you. Boom, now buy the flowers. We aren't saying the man bought them, but we sure are suggesting it.


If you look genuinely happy and excited that another man got you some flowers, he will either get you some flowers and throw those away or act like a man boy and sulk. If he acts like a man boy, stroke his ego a little and say don't be jealous baby, you can get me some pretty flowers too. I'm sure you can get some way better than these and give him a kiss. If you have done all this and you still can't get what you want....do you beg? Do you nag? NO, you throw the whole man away and find another because what one man won't do, another one happily will. Now it may not be the end of the world for you not to get some flowers, or those curtains hung, but it is absolutely not ok for you to consistently not to get the things you desire from your partner. If you are not receiving the love you desire from your partner, what are you even there for?


Now is this method manipulation? Maybe, but he is getting praise and appreciation and believe it or not a man that cares for you wants you to be happy. So doing these things encourages your man to do the things that make you happy without you having to beg for them. The happier you are the happier he will be. You aren't like other women. You aren't constantly on him or nagging him to do things. You show him your appreciation and so he continues to do things for you. When he doesn't, he knows that you aren't going to complain. You will get someone else to do it and show that man the appreciation he craves from you. No man wants to read your paragraph about how he messed up and should have treated you. It's show me season. You deserve love girl, make sure you get it.


9 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page